Hot Topic: Arguing in Front of the Kids
When parents argue in front of their children, it can have long lasting effects. It can be a scary thing to watch your parents scream and yell at each other, not mention it also teaches children bad communication habits. Even after the parents have worked out their issues, children might still remember the angry words and how bad it made them feel to hear their parents yelling or saying bad things to each other.
Who you are is speaking so loudly that I can’t hear what you’re saying.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
In every marriage, there will be times when spouses don’t agree or become upset with each other. Having a disagreement is not always a bad thing however there is a way to disagree effectively. It is okay to show emotion but it is not okay to hurt each other.
One of the best ways to argue or disagree effectively is to NOT do it in front of your children. Sometimes it just happens or they might overhear you but as adults, you should learn to control your temper and try to wait for a more appropriate time to confront your spouse. If you can’t wait- have the children leave the room or the two of you need to leave the room.
Most children have one major fear when they hear/see their parents argue: DIVORCE. They believe that your harsh words will end up destroying your family. They might not understand that you’re just arguing about who didn’t replace the toilet paper! So, you have to be very careful about having heated discussions in their presence. Here are some guidelines:
Never involve the children in your argument
Never let it get physical
Never argue about divorce
Never degrade each other
Try not to raise your voice too loud
Don't let it happen too often
If every conversation with your spouse seems to end with an argument, it might be time to get a third party to intervene. Try talking to your pastor or a marriage counselor to help you learn more effective communications skills. And regardless to what is going on between you as a couple, you also have a responsibility to your children to make sure they are okay and know how much both parents love them. Never let them think the arguments are about them (even if they are) that is too big of a burden to place on their young shoulders. Take a deep breath, calm down and remember to treat your spouse with the same level of love and respect that you would expect from them.
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