Health & Wellness: Barren...But Not Broken
By: Natalie Woods-Leffall
Love. Work. Repeat. is pleased to bring an inspiring story of a family who desperately wanted a family, and experienced pain, heartache, and ultimately God’s blessings during their journey. This personal story is designed in uplift, give strength and encouragement to couples who find themselves fighting the same battle. Here is the true story of Natalie Woods-Lefall and her husband, Tyrone.
When I get married I am having two kids, one boy and one girl.
I am going to name the boy Tyler and the girl Taylor. The boy will be born first because he will have to take care of his little sister.” These are the words I confidently spoke as young, single woman with big plans for the future. At the time I had no husband, no job, very little education, and no idea that the reality of conceiving the two kids I dreamed of would be the most difficult experience of my life.
As little girls, we grew up preparing for motherhood. We nurtured our baby dolls by combing their hair, feeding them, and occasionally breaking a limb or two. By age five, I was a professional mommy with a dozen wounded dolls to prove it! It never crosses the mind of most women that they may not be able to conceive a child. We automatically assume that one day “it” will happen. Having children is a part of the American Dream!
Before getting married, my husband and I discussed having a family. Around the time of our one-year anniversary, we decided it was time to get pregnant. I scheduled an appointment with my OB/GYN, starting taking pre-natal vitamins, and began counting down the days to conception. Days turned weeks, weeks turned into months, and months turned into years. Something was very wrong! After the first year of not being able to get pregnant, I begin to worry. Up until that point, I pacified myself with words of encouragement from my doctor, family, and friends … “Getting pregnant takes time.”
By year two, I was an emotional wreck. All my best friends were pregnant. There were many days I questioned God. Why is this happening to me? What are You trying to teach me? I was reluctant to visit an infertility doctor because I did not want God to perceive my actions as lack of faith. I needed God to know I trusted Him, but I was growing weary. I spent nights crying and hundreds of dollars on pregnancy tests that all displayed one pink line, instead of the two needed to confirm a baby was on the way.
In year three, my husband and I decided to see an infertility specialist. We both endured a series of tests and the verdict was promising … there was no medical reason we should not be able to conceive a child. What should have been a positive report baffled me even more. So what was the problem? I quickly turned back to my Heavenly Father for answers. This time He responded.
I am going to name the boy Tyler and the girl Taylor. The boy will be born first because he will have to take care of his little sister.” These are the words I confidently spoke as young, single woman with big plans for the future. At the time I had no husband, no job, very little education, and no idea that the reality of conceiving the two kids I dreamed of would be the most difficult experience of my life.
As little girls, we grew up preparing for motherhood. We nurtured our baby dolls by combing their hair, feeding them, and occasionally breaking a limb or two. By age five, I was a professional mommy with a dozen wounded dolls to prove it! It never crosses the mind of most women that they may not be able to conceive a child. We automatically assume that one day “it” will happen. Having children is a part of the American Dream!
Before getting married, my husband and I discussed having a family. Around the time of our one-year anniversary, we decided it was time to get pregnant. I scheduled an appointment with my OB/GYN, starting taking pre-natal vitamins, and began counting down the days to conception. Days turned weeks, weeks turned into months, and months turned into years. Something was very wrong! After the first year of not being able to get pregnant, I begin to worry. Up until that point, I pacified myself with words of encouragement from my doctor, family, and friends … “Getting pregnant takes time.”
By year two, I was an emotional wreck. All my best friends were pregnant. There were many days I questioned God. Why is this happening to me? What are You trying to teach me? I was reluctant to visit an infertility doctor because I did not want God to perceive my actions as lack of faith. I needed God to know I trusted Him, but I was growing weary. I spent nights crying and hundreds of dollars on pregnancy tests that all displayed one pink line, instead of the two needed to confirm a baby was on the way.
In year three, my husband and I decided to see an infertility specialist. We both endured a series of tests and the verdict was promising … there was no medical reason we should not be able to conceive a child. What should have been a positive report baffled me even more. So what was the problem? I quickly turned back to my Heavenly Father for answers. This time He responded.
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See, my whole life I always got what I wanted, when I wanted it. I guess you can say I was slightly spoiled! Either my parents provided my every wish or I worked hard to obtain my desires. God let me know that my barrenness came to increase my faith and teach me patience. I could not buy a baby. My mother could not wrap a child in box with a bow, like she had done with so many of my requests in the past. My husband, as much as he wished he could, was not able to bring a child home in a vase like the flowers he would often give me in an effort to soothe the pain. No, this was a job for Jesus. Nobody could deliver the miracle I so deeply wanted, but GOD!
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Year four was filled with tears. I would cry at the sight of babies in the grocery store and watched hours of television programs depicting labor and delivery. My marriage began to suffer. It was as if conceiving a baby was more important than having a healthy relationship with my spouse. There was so much pressure to get pregnant that sex was no longer enjoyable. It was a means to an end. Thoughts of adoption entered my mind, but I would push them away determined to endure this battle like a good soldier.
After five years, 60 months, and 1,825 days, of praying, fasting, waiting … God would perform a miracle and fulfill His promise to open my womb. After a series of infertility treatments, the doctor informed my husband and I that the next phase would involve surgery. On May 5, 2003, I arrived at the doctor’s office prepared to discuss the future of my infertility journey. The doctor was about to begin our meeting and stopped in mid-sentence to inquire if I had taken a pregnancy test
upon arriving to her office. The answer was “no”, so the doctor provided me with the little clear specimen cup and directed me to the ladies’ room. When I returned, the doctor’s eyes were as big as baseballs. She and several nurses stood in a corner whispering. When the doctor finally emerged, she said “You can go home. This meeting is over because you are pregnant.” The room went black. To this day, I cannot remember my initial reaction. I do recall crying and shouting “thank you Jesus!” One lady asked “are you crying because you want to be pregnant or because you don’t want to be pregnant?” A big smile was my answer to her inquiry. The lady had no idea of my struggle.
On January 8, 2004, my son was born. I named him Tyler just as I said I would in the days before pain, fear and doubt. Fourteen months later, I would birth another son into the world. According to my plan, baby number two was suppose to be a girl named Taylor, but God’s plan was a boy we call Titus. Everyday I look at my children, I reminded of the days when I was barren. The days when all I could do was trust God to answer my prayer and fill a void only He could.
After five years, 60 months, and 1,825 days, of praying, fasting, waiting … God would perform a miracle and fulfill His promise to open my womb. After a series of infertility treatments, the doctor informed my husband and I that the next phase would involve surgery. On May 5, 2003, I arrived at the doctor’s office prepared to discuss the future of my infertility journey. The doctor was about to begin our meeting and stopped in mid-sentence to inquire if I had taken a pregnancy test
upon arriving to her office. The answer was “no”, so the doctor provided me with the little clear specimen cup and directed me to the ladies’ room. When I returned, the doctor’s eyes were as big as baseballs. She and several nurses stood in a corner whispering. When the doctor finally emerged, she said “You can go home. This meeting is over because you are pregnant.” The room went black. To this day, I cannot remember my initial reaction. I do recall crying and shouting “thank you Jesus!” One lady asked “are you crying because you want to be pregnant or because you don’t want to be pregnant?” A big smile was my answer to her inquiry. The lady had no idea of my struggle.
On January 8, 2004, my son was born. I named him Tyler just as I said I would in the days before pain, fear and doubt. Fourteen months later, I would birth another son into the world. According to my plan, baby number two was suppose to be a girl named Taylor, but God’s plan was a boy we call Titus. Everyday I look at my children, I reminded of the days when I was barren. The days when all I could do was trust God to answer my prayer and fill a void only He could.
Tyler Thomas Leffal
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Tai Renee Leffal
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Titus Nathaniel Leffal
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In my barrenness, I found strength.I learned I was stronger than I gave myself credit. In my barrenness I learned how to fight. I refused to believe the voice of the enemy that said you will never give birth. My barrenness destroyed the spoiled little girl who always had to have her way. I discovered you can be barren, but not be broken. Who would have thought being empty could produce such life changing results? In the natural, when something is empty, it is usually useless. Try driving an empty car or drinking out of an empty glass. But in the spirit, being empty is necessary to being fulfilled. I still cry when I see babies. I occasionally catch the labor and delivery shows on television, but with two babies who has time for television. I will never forget what God did for my family. Now I can thank him for being barren, but not broken. |
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Natalie Woods Leffall currently resides in Houston, Texas where she owns TMO Creative Marketing. Her sons are now 8 and 9 years-old! They recently were blessed with a third child, a baby girl.
Infertility is a real issue facing married couples. If you or someone you know needs a resource for infertility options,
Love.Work.Repeat. recommends Sparkles of Life, Inc. I had the opportunity to speak with the organization's founder, Mrs. Rhonda Nwosu on the issue of infertility. Read what she has to say on her struggle and why she founded Sparkles of Life a
non-profit helping women through the journey and struggles of infertility.
Love.Work.Repeat. recommends Sparkles of Life, Inc. I had the opportunity to speak with the organization's founder, Mrs. Rhonda Nwosu on the issue of infertility. Read what she has to say on her struggle and why she founded Sparkles of Life a
non-profit helping women through the journey and struggles of infertility.
If your family happens be one out of eight couples facing the challenge of
infertility then you know that this is not a laughing matter.
Women experiencing infertility should be applauded for seeking medical intervention to assist in their heart's desire to become a Mother. The quest to becoming a Mother is often plagued with disappointment, emotional highs/lows, shame, doubt, medical bills and for some - a broken relationship.
My husband and I experienced the perils impacting the path to parenthood including four miscarriages before the “miracle” birth of our twin girls. Recognizing the limited resources for women to have candid dialogue and support about their periods of infertility, loss and delayed parenting; I
felt compelled to break the silence and speak up for all those who are still on
the journey. For ths reason I founded Sparkles of Life, Inc.
This non-profit organization provides a variety of programs for women in all stages of conception and delivery, including the Vivere-Garden of Life IVF Grant.
Join us on May 4, 2013 at the Villa Ballrooms for The Mother’s Heart Conference & Brunch. It offers a fresh perspective on all ways we mother and receive relevant knowledge from “Subject Matter Experts.” We welcome any woman who has a heart to mother, whether it’s through mentoring, adoption or support for a family/friend who experiencing a delay in the desire of their heart.
To learn more about infertility options, please visit http://www.sparklesoflife.org
--JC
infertility then you know that this is not a laughing matter.
Women experiencing infertility should be applauded for seeking medical intervention to assist in their heart's desire to become a Mother. The quest to becoming a Mother is often plagued with disappointment, emotional highs/lows, shame, doubt, medical bills and for some - a broken relationship.
My husband and I experienced the perils impacting the path to parenthood including four miscarriages before the “miracle” birth of our twin girls. Recognizing the limited resources for women to have candid dialogue and support about their periods of infertility, loss and delayed parenting; I
felt compelled to break the silence and speak up for all those who are still on
the journey. For ths reason I founded Sparkles of Life, Inc.
This non-profit organization provides a variety of programs for women in all stages of conception and delivery, including the Vivere-Garden of Life IVF Grant.
Join us on May 4, 2013 at the Villa Ballrooms for The Mother’s Heart Conference & Brunch. It offers a fresh perspective on all ways we mother and receive relevant knowledge from “Subject Matter Experts.” We welcome any woman who has a heart to mother, whether it’s through mentoring, adoption or support for a family/friend who experiencing a delay in the desire of their heart.
To learn more about infertility options, please visit http://www.sparklesoflife.org
--JC
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